I'm wondering why nobody holds mini-golf tournaments. Of course, there's probably a devoted club, and I'm just not on the newsletter mailing list. There's probably an entire Chicago mini-golf semi-pro tour that I'm missing out on. Every other Thursday, they play one of the manicured, suburban courses with the rock desert landscaping and braided rope bridges. But come late September, the real jewel prize is winning the Masters' weekend at Novelty Golf over by Lincoln and Devon.

If my birthday wasn't in December, you know I'd have Masters' weekend moved to accomodate.