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Tuesday · March 16 2004

The success of The Passion of the Christ has bred a new wave of Bibilically-themed script proposals ready for production. A few of the hot summaries — Entertainment Weekly style:

CHRIST: THE TEEN YEARS: It's hard to turn the other cheek when the kids taunt you as a "carpenter's son" and "holy dweeb." And who will Rachel daughter of Zedekiah go to the Seder with--Jesus or that that rich hunk Simon of Capernaum? He's hardly spiritual at all!

SURVIVOR GALILEE: Stranded in the ancient desert wilderness, ten competitors vie to discover a chest of myrrh that is buried beneath a balm in Gilead. Events include walking a mile in each other's shoes and forcing a camel through the eye of a needle. For food, there's only five loaves and three fish to go around--it's going to require a miracle!

MIDNIGHT AT THE OASIS: Big-budget musical adaptation of the Book of Ruth, starring Cameron Diaz as Ruth, Demi Moore as Naomi, and in his wide-screen debut, Andre3000 as Boaz. In an up-to-the-minute Bible-inspired plot twist, it's the woman (Diaz) who wants hot sex while the man (Andre3000) wants to take it slow. Parade crows: "Never has winnowing the barley been so steamy!" OutKast performs movie theme, "Wennn U Getta (Cell) Call from God."

© 2004 Jason Keglovitz