Tom and Patti Brandt, former owners of Sno-White Drive-In, offered full ownership of their hamburger joint to the essayist who plead the best case in 100 words or less. Harpers has selected offerings from the 87 losing entries.

I want to own Sno-White Drive-In because forty years ago, I stopped at an A&W Rootbeer Drive-In. Seeing those beautiful carhops, I was hooked. I married three in a twelve-year period. Now I have three beautiful granddaughters who want me to put them into a Sno-White kind of drive-in. My girls are so cute, the boys will drule over their burgers. My beautiful granddaughters want to put a smile on their customers' faces like McDonald's does.

Boys do drule over carhops.