The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Assholes
- Never respect anyone unless you're sure they could physically beat you up. This includes your own mother, police officers, teachers, the president, your boss and the Pope.
- Criticize everything, no matter how mundane or pointless it may be.
- Always cut people off, whether you’re talking, driving, or having sex.
- Flick cigarette butts at everything—all the time. Even if you don't smoke.
- Call everyone you meet by the nickname "Chief." (Always roll your eyes when you say it.) For extra emphasis, roll your eyes, say "Chief" and flick a cigarette butt at the same time.
- Always precede the word "man" with either "little," "Mr.," or "old."
- Noogie every small child you meet until they cry--including newborn babies.
I'd like to add a #8...Talk during movies. Make sure to keep your voice at a just audible whisper to thoroughly distract and annoy all around you while you explain the first 5 hours of the epic trilogy to your girlfriend who doesn't like "elves and all that dungeons and dragonsy stuff."