Scanning the list of The Onion's Least Essential Albums Of 2003 reinforces a notion I've long held. Pop artists will scratch out a living with bargain bin releases, remastered reissues, and royalties from string quartet covers if that means not having to search the unemployment ads and sing jingles for Citibank home equity loans. How else to explain Danny Wood's (the forgotten 5th dog faced boy of NKOTB) solo career? An "essential" Stabbing Westward release? Or an all-female tribute album to Creed (which almost made me shoot coffee out my nose)?

In Stabbing Westward's case, they couldn't even get the Citibank jingle gig, but they're still ahead of Macho Man Randy Savage's career options. If I ever find Macho Man's rap album in the possession of anyone I know, they're disowned. No appeal, I'm going to pretend I never knew you.

And no shit, John Oates is still making records. I wonder what Roland Gift from Fine Young Cannibals is up to.