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Wednesday · December 10 2003

The advertising hype for ABC's "Line of Fire" sucked me into wasting an hour of my life. I've been subject to the repetitive line of ads on ESPN 1000 radio, which is affiliated with ABC, on my drive home, so I bit. I watched the entire season of "24" last year, I've enjoyed "The Sopranos" when I've seen it, and I love quality crime dramas at the movies. "Line of Fire" tries to be all of these things and fails miserably. I kept watching after the first commercial break just to give it a chance, but that was a mistake.

"Line of Fire" is embarrassingly bad television. Nobody walks the streets in this version of Norfolk, VA except for The Good Guys and The Bad Guys. We see them split screen at intervals, so if we forget who's who after the break we won't get confused. The Good team are agents of the Richmond division of the FBI - tiny, gorgeous women with machine guns and their hunky, sensitive, racially diverse male counterparts. The Bad team are members of the Malloy crime family in Norfolk, VA - a pack of blank faced stuntmen led by David Paymer in the role of "evil crime boss who looks like an accountant." Unlike Tony Soprano, who Malloy's family life is clearly modeled around, this guy shows no trace of humanity or character. James Bond villains have more complexity and depth.

I'd tell you about the plot, but nobody cares. Don't watch this show.

Archived: Watch » December 2003
What you had to say:
December 10 2003

Um, Stacy, care to share?

December 15 2003

You summed up exactly how I felt watching this awful show. Part of me thinks the writers and producers of this show did it as an experiment ... "hey, let's copy the Sopranos and Donnie Brasco, except let's make it completely awful and see how long it lasts. I laughed when I realized the nerdy guy was the big bad boss. I hated all of the characters ... what little personality each one has is negative, cynical and annoying. I almost got sick when the 80-lb brunette agent went on this cheesy emotional testament to her husband killed in the Pentagon on 9/11 and it prompting her to pursue a career going after bad guys. If this and Threat Matrix bite it, I will be happy.

And where is Sipowicz?

December 15 2003

Yep. They wanted the strong female lead appeal of "Alias" (sorry, but without Jennifer Garner, it's not the same thing) and the conflicted evil crime lord of "The Sopranos" all packaged with the "Isn't this so intense! split screen action" of "24".

Television continues to suck when I'm not watching sports or the occasionaly Daily Show. I'm interested to see what Jon Stewart has in store tonight for the latest Saddam news.

© 2003 Jason Keglovitz