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Tuesday · October 28 2003

I read on the corporate intranet today that every employee will receive fanny pack/emergency kits this week. Contained therein:

The emergency packs will contain a glow stick to provide emergency illumination for four to six hours, a bottle of water and a whistle to use in circumstances where you need immediate assistance.
I don't need to tell you that I'm not a forest ranger. I work on the 12th floor in a 6x6 cube. If my development team decides that we should go hiking in Busse woods sometime this winter, however, I will be sure to bring the emergency kit along.

I know I shouldn't make light of office disasters because they really are tragic, but what help is a glowstick, a bottle of water, and a whistle going to be in the case of sudden disaster? I can understand the whistle being useful if I'm trapped in a stairwell or under a pile of rubble, but the whistle won't do anyone much good in the back section of their filing cabinet, which is undoubtedly where these things will rest and collect dust. Oh, fire drill! Everyone grab your fanny packs!

Whether it's outlawing Halloween costumes in schools, distributing glow sticks to cubicle dwellers, or printing "Contents are hot" on cups of coffee, we're all playing a big game of Cover Your Ass. Or Else I'll Sue.

What you had to say:
October 29 2003

Fanny packs. Are they trying to *punish* their employees? Not to make light at all, but I wouldn't be caught dead in a fanny pack.

October 29 2003

I didn't mention the new security badge holders we're supposed to wear. They have the crisis hotline number printed on the back so we can find out if something good happens like not having to go to work.

© 2003 Jason Keglovitz