I admit, someone turned my brain off today. That someone was probably me. I visited my grandma yesterday and the visit rendered me helpless. I haven't been able to say much or explain much. I probably shouldn't be writing anything out loud, since I'm only stabbing at the personal sense of sadness.

I caught only a glimpse of what my mom feels everyday as she looks for hope. My grandmother isn't very ill, but she has been left out. I look away because I am free to do so. Nothing but guilt and love for my one time best friend in the whole world brings me to visit once every couple weeks or when I feel I can handle it. Isn't that a goddamn joke.

I don't absolve myself of anything, but neither do I feel responsible. I'm a grown grandchild living an adult life and running my own course with parents that will need tending in time.

We're not always witty and right thinking. Sometimes we're human.