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Tuesday · July 15 2003

I admit, someone turned my brain off today. That someone was probably me. I visited my grandma yesterday and the visit rendered me helpless. I haven't been able to say much or explain much. I probably shouldn't be writing anything out loud, since I'm only stabbing at the personal sense of sadness.

I caught only a glimpse of what my mom feels everyday as she looks for hope. My grandmother isn't very ill, but she has been left out. I look away because I am free to do so. Nothing but guilt and love for my one time best friend in the whole world brings me to visit once every couple weeks or when I feel I can handle it. Isn't that a goddamn joke.

I don't absolve myself of anything, but neither do I feel responsible. I'm a grown grandchild living an adult life and running my own course with parents that will need tending in time.

We're not always witty and right thinking. Sometimes we're human.

What you had to say:
July 15 2003

I need to call my grandma. My last living grandparent. I need to love her more.

© 2003 Jason Keglovitz